tag:katarramusic.com,2005:/blogs/the-journey?p=1The Journey2024-01-25T10:04:05-06:00Katarra Parsonfalsetag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/73399462024-01-25T10:04:05-06:002024-01-25T10:04:05-06:00To The Women Who Raised Me<p>The women who helped raise me…</p><p>The reason why I get along better with elders. </p><p>Why I always keep my heat past 80. </p><p>Why I love Golden Girls, Matlock, and get nostalgia seeing Sesame street.</p><p>Why I LOVE large puzzles and Vanilla Wafers.</p><p>Why even when my faith is the size of a mustard seed, something tells me to hold on and keep going. </p><p>Divine Mothers, church mothers, usher board members, choir members, and always dedicated to their faith. Divine grandmother's, aunties, sisters, and wives and church family.</p><p>Made us wear stockings in the summer. Lol. Brought us the BEST candies (Werther's caramel candies always on deck!), and took care of us while my young mom worked multiple jobs. Being raised by elders is one of the greatest blessings an old soul can have. </p><p>I miss you Lulu, Aunty, and Big Mama. I miss you Grandma Susie, Auntie Celestine. I miss the visits. I miss watching your shows with you. I miss seeing you dolled up and dressed to the 9's every Sunday. I MISS YOUR FOOD! I miss the wisdom you always shared. I miss your essence. Thank you for everything. </p>3:22Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/73300322024-01-08T05:49:19-06:002024-01-08T05:53:05-06:00Adult Swim on a School Night<p>I learned a lot from Inuyasha, my first and favorite anime. How to slay and purify demons, and how to sing in Japanese. Lol. ❤️</p><p>I'll never forget the day I first saw it. Late on a school night, my big brother was watching Season 1 on Adult Swim. 5 minutes in, I was instantly hooked. I'd keep myself awake every night to watch it knowing I had to wake up early for school the next day. This is where I heard Flyinglotus, MF Doom, Nujabes, and Kaytranada for the first time and my ears were forever changed. I remember wishing I could make music like them. Fast forward some years later and I start producing video game and electronic music on a cracked FL Studios. I would stay in the house for days obsessively making music until the wee hours. </p><p>My top favorite animes are Rurouni Kenshin, Gurren Lagann, AOT, Samurai Champloo, Berserk 😭 and Trigun. (Along with movies like Akira, Miyazaki films, etc.). </p>4:30Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/72894822023-10-18T10:24:25-05:002023-10-18T10:29:49-05:00Full Circle Deux<p>My story: After performing and getting my first standing ovation from 150+ people at Gateway Middle, later I auditioned for CVPA and was put on the waiting list. Never heard from them. I was devastated, but ended up continuing my journey from Gateway Middle to Gateway High. That is where I got even deeper into my love for music. I spent EVERYDAY in the music room playing the piano. Breakfast, lunch and even after lunch. Lol. I ended up almost failing Colette Morton AP English class because I spent so much time in the music room, I'd lose track of time and be late. Even still, she helped me execute the perfect college essay, which helped me get accepted to Webster University where I developed my musicianship further. The full circle moment is Real. It's like every music community in this city has rejected me, only for me to rise. I'm being pushed out of St. Louis like a baby stuck in the birth canal and it has been painful, heartbreaking, and empowering all at the same time. Wherever I am meant to be, I know I will thrive because at the end of the day, its about the music and its impact on the people. I only ask St. Louis to be patient with my late blooming self as I continue this journey. </p>6:39Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/72701922023-09-07T23:08:23-05:002023-10-16T09:53:31-05:00Blood, Sweat and Tears<p>I got so much love from my city on Sunday. But for the first time in my life, I passed out from heat exhaustion right on the very last song. 😩 It was a health scare wake-up call for me. Although the heat was BLAZING on us, my love for music caused me to push my body to its limits. This is teaching me to speak up in situations where I don't feel safe. I will NOT perform in unshaded gigs anymore. My body is in pain and bruised. But my heart and mind are full. I'm grateful to my band and all the people who ran to help me and make sure I was helped, and the beautiful medical and fire dept. staff. It's been a battle out here yall. Pray for me. Going from one battle to another has been hard.</p><p>Wednesday </p><p>I won y'all! After losing in 2021, I came back for vengeance. Overall I was so happy to be back around and to get so much love from my favorite producers, plus meet new dope producers. And my imposter syndrome was annihilated. Lol.</p><p>I'll always love Freshproducestl ❤️</p>4:50Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/68759562022-01-21T10:32:09-06:002022-01-21T10:33:08-06:00Alone.<p>In elementary school, I ate lunch in the bathroom alone. In middle school, I ate lunch in the bathroom alone. In high school, I found the music room and ate lunch alone, with a piano. And now still to this day, sitting at a piano is my saving grace…keep going.</p>3:44Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/67298062021-08-28T14:02:20-05:002021-08-28T14:05:47-05:00The Rose That Grew From Concrete 🌹<p>The Rose that grew from concrete contemplates her freedom…should she allow past restrictions and trials to shape her story, or will she move to greener pastures where her light can be celebrated and not dimmed? Will she let her hard environment break her gentle nature, or will she end the cycle of severed dreams by breaking free? </p>
<p>For the longest, I held a lot of shame about my background, where I came from. I was ashamed of the stems rooted in my inner city upbringing. My petals were not like the others…I was bright with passion, but had thorns from having to defend myself. I wasn’t tended to and nurtured the same as most roses. I was a Rose that grew from concrete. And I was made to believe that something was inherently wrong with me for being that way. But it only made my petals brighter, and my stems sturdier. It made me soft, but discerning. And now I stand in my truth more than ever before. </p>0:43Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/66448372021-05-31T12:59:10-05:002021-05-31T12:59:10-05:00Community<p>My favorite part of my musical career in St. Louis has always been meeting crazy talented musicians and artists I've always admired from afar. I finally let them know how dope I think they are...all to have them in turn tell me how dope they think I am. 🥺 Like a full circle of love. Everytime it happens, one layer of imposter Syndrome sheds off of me. 😂😭 </p>
<p>Over the past few years, I've finally met a lot of musicians, artists, DJ's, leaders, etc. who I always admired from afar, but was too socially "off" to initiate a connection. But the more I started to stand in my own personal power and stepping into who I truly am, the more I kept running into these same folks everywhere. And when I finally would see them in person, I'd approach them, ready to do all this gushing about their talent and how inspiring they are to me...just to have them do the same thing to me. Some were even fans of my album, my music, my artistry. 🥺 This entire time, the love was reciprocated. I guess your vibe really does attract your tribe. ♥️</p>5:34Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/66120292021-04-23T12:00:00-05:002021-04-23T13:59:46-05:00Affirmation: Get With the Movement or Move TF Out the Way<p>I’ve kept these thoughts to myself for a while, but feel a great need to express them today. Over the years, I’ve made a lot of connections in this city amongst creatives. Some have been fruitful, and some have been traumatic. I am choosing this moment to express my intentions on being a music artist outside of the obvious love and passion I have for my craft. </p>
<p>I can honestly say I am finally happy with where I am in life. Despite the stressors, despite the trauma, despite current events that constantly challenge my peace. Despite living in a society shrouded in anti-blackness. I am happy because I am actively taking part in eradicating it, through what I love to do. I know who I am. I know what I am meant for. I have always known my purpose. I was given the opportunities I received because “God put you there and chose you for a reason” (my father). </p>
<p>For so long I felt ashamed of my achievements, or things I got for myself, by myself. For years I downplayed a role that was granted to me by a higher power beyond this realm. </p>
<p>I am actively taking part in bettering my community, building and inspiring black women, and making sure black girls never doubt their self worth ever again. 4C hair, brown skin, bigger body and all. I am making space for people that look like me. For people outside of the status quo. For people with BPD, for people with anxiety, for people who don’t see themselves loved by this world. I am actively taking part in bringing justice, peace and love into this world. Every time I perform, it’s a literal release of emotions that have been carried for years, by myself and my ancestors. I am releasing family cycles of trauma that I don’t speak of. I am releasing the cries of people who have never been heard. I am asking those who are blind to see the reality for what it is. </p>
<p>When you come from nothing, the hunger to make something of yourself far outways the projections of others. When you have this drive to make sure NO ONE else from the same circumstances as you has to suffer, outways self doubt and perfectionism, your vision can not and will not die. No matter who discounts, doubts, or seeks to destroy you. </p>
<p>I will have a part in changing this city, this country, this world for the better...so black people don’t live in the same pain that birthed us. I am taking my part, through music/art, in ending this shit for good. And I will make noise one way or another until the world hears it. I am not here for industry politics and shallow shit. What is currently happening in the world is and has impacted me, my mother, my grandmother, great grandmother, and so on. My entire family and community has been negatively impacted by racism. This is bigger than being a well known musician. I am doing this to change my reality, as well as the reality of countless marginalized people. </p>
<p>If you are not down for this cause, please move the fuck out of my way, and make space for the people who are. </p>8:57Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/66081282021-04-19T10:44:16-05:002021-04-19T10:44:16-05:00Lift Every Voice And Sing<p>Tomorrow I am honored to be a part of St. Louis history and black woman history. Tomorrow, I will be performing the Black National Anthem for the first black woman mayor of my city. Tomorrow my dreams come true along with the dreams of many...it’s been a long time coming. </p>
<p>And to add to the spirit of St. Louis culture, my mom, an employee (graphic designer) of St. Louis City Hall for the past 30 years, created the beautiful program. She also used to sing for the mayor every year in the same hall that I will be performing in tomorrow for Mayor Tishaura’s Inauguration. I remember being a little kid, watching her bring tears to the eyes of everyone in the building as her voice rang throughout the acoustic filled hall. As I think of her story and Tishaura’s story, I realize how much this is such a full circle moment for me. Because now my voice will be doing the same, in honor of black excellence, black resilience, and black history. I am shook…</p>5:34Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/66068162021-04-17T11:40:28-05:002021-04-17T11:40:28-05:00Shooting Shots and Vaccination <p>Got my first vaccine shot today and I can honestly say I have only one complaint. </p>
<p>I was completely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of gorgeous tall men in uniform. It was too much...I’m completely beside myself and am feeling some intense side effects...</p>
<p>God bless them. I can’t wait to get my second one. #motivation </p>
<p>😂</p>
<p>Overall it was a super smooth experience. They were nice, efficient and it was over in less than 30 minutes (if you schedule an appointment). And it’s free. I will say initially I was apprehensive, but I went with my family and Having them by my side made it a much more pleasant process. We really are in this together...</p>4:11Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/66012022021-04-11T19:11:57-05:002021-04-13T17:41:51-05:00Love Addict Realizations <p><a contents="More about Obsessive Love and Borderlines" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/what-is-obsessive-love-disorder/" target="_blank">More about Obsessive Love and Borderlines</a><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/350159/63d8d3203e6b668bbff19032095362e6a7b193eb/original/ecd8f8d8-a5ab-4e0a-8d70-83402e2686c6.jpeg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<ul> <li>Idealization. Putting someone on a pedestal. Falling in love with the idea of someone. Never ending fleet of muses. I’m coming to the realization that I’m more in love with the songs I write about someone than the actual person. My songs make me think it’s deeper than what it really is. </li> <li>It sucks for extremely sensitive people. As someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, every emotional and physical experience is intensified to the highest extreme. Pain, heartbreak, anger, obsession, fear, passion, indifference...all to the highest degrees. So when I fall in love it’s always the end all be all. All of my eggs are thrown into the basket of the person I’m infatuated with at the time. Limerence. I’ve experienced it more times than I’m proud to say.</li> <li>Boundaries. I was raised in environments where boundaries were constantly crossed, violated, or did not exist. I had no boundaries with others because I was taught that to love someone was to let them constantly cross my boundaries, cause me pain even...and eventually they would love me correctly. </li> <li>It takes your voice. Your power. People pleaser. You don’t stand up for yourself or speak up on anything that will “ruffle feathers”. You’re taught to get your needs met through manipulation tactics. You learn to read people’s minds, so you expect them to do the same. You start resenting the people you love because they can never love you as much as you “love” them. </li> <li>It’s a cycle passed down from generation to generation. Matriarchs in my family experienced this kind of “love”. Love that tolerated abuse. Love that was unconditional for everyone but self. As a black woman...as a woman...as someone with a very Christian upbringing, I was taught to love everyone regardless of how I was treated in return. </li> <li>Love addiction impacts your life on so many levels. Friendships, business relationships, your work, eating habits, sleeping habits, etc.</li> <li>It is a SERIOUS addiction. Like drug addiction. Like food addiction. There are rehabilitation centers for it and programs to help. It is NOT the same as sex addiction, but they both have similar roots. Even my mom has agreed that I should seek rehabilitation. It’s that real. I’ve been suicidal and self-destructive over “love” one too many times. I was at a point where I was so engulfed in a moment of passion that I was willing to throw away my career, self respect, friends, and anything else just to have that person and the high they gave me. </li> <li>Love addiction is dopamine addiction. I’m addicted to things that give me that dopamine rush, like chocolate and music. Again, not to be mixed with sex addiction, love addiction is the need to be in love ALL the time, the preoccupation with love, and an endless search of the high you feel while being in love. It’s like we search for a forever honeymoon phase. </li> <li>It stems from trauma. As a person who experienced trauma (C-PTSD and borderline) I saw love as an escape. I saw romance as an escape. I was exposed to countless Disney movies and fairy tales as the pinnacle of happiness. Even if it caused pain, even if I was being mistreated and abused, I held on to the belief that “one day my prince” would come. I sang about it, dreamt about it, fantasized about it... </li> <li>Reality checks and breakdowns. Of course as I got older and started dating more, I found out swiftly -and the hard way- that men were nothing like the fairytale knights in shining armor I was socialized to need. Most were wolves in sheep’s clothing, or were fighting their own demons and didn’t have the ability to love me. I also found myself in a never ending cycle of narcissistic relationships... </li> <li>You’re a narcissist magnet. I didn’t know the dangers of love addiction until I kept falling in unrequited love with emotionally, physically, and mentally unavailable men. Until I constantly found myself in positions where love was one sided and always a struggle. </li> <li>Jesus complex. Martyr syndrome. Masochism. Love addiction makes you self-sacrificing in a way that can and will destroy you. Again, it all comes back to boundaries and the lack thereof. You attempt to love yourself through the validation of others, or your “favorite person” (a borderline term) to a point where your needs are ignored or even seen as wrong. This is dangerous in an obvious number of ways. No healthy relationship with self and others of any kind can function under this. </li> <li>Backlash. When you break the addiction, a lot of people will be triggered. When I began to truly love myself, (after the 10th major heartbreak and breakdown) a lot of people didn’t know how to take it. Some showed complete indifference, disgust, hurt, and even anger. People who were used to crossing my boundaries, people who were used to exploiting me for their own gain, people who loved the pushover and self-sacrificing Katarra swore up and down that I was the enemy. I had finally become a friend to myself, but was now an enemy to my abusers. </li> <li>Self-Actualization. Love addiction either kills you or heals you. There is no alternate route. If you learn how to heal your traumas, and focus on self-love in place of romantic love (in moderation) you can defeat it. You’ll end up falling complete in love with yourself, your essence, your very presence of self. Especially when you realize that so many people were drawn to you, not because of your love addiction, but because you have so much love in your heart and very essence that you automatically feel the need to share it with others. Having a big heart is not weak. It takes A LOT of strength and courage to be extremely vulnerable and open when so many humans have given up or become cold. It brings so much freedom to know that there was never anything wrong with you. You were just a pure being who had their pureness exploited. And now you know better. And now you love better. </li>
</ul>6:25Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/65277692021-01-22T11:09:32-06:002021-01-22T11:09:32-06:00Fat Rant<p>I've gained a lot of weight since 2019, and over the past year have quietly talked down to myself, compared myself to social media standards, under eat, over eat, work out to a point of hurting myself, only to binge on chocolate a few days later. <br>But I woke up this morning and realized I lived through a great deal of traumatic things. Today, I no longer blame myself for being human. For being impacted by so many sudden and stressful events. I can fall and make mistakes. I can be a human. 😂 I'm not meant to be perfect or look perfect all the time. And I don't want to. <br> I survived a pandemic, loss, mental breakdowns and all kinds of shit...gaining weight from it should be the least of my concerns. Beauty standards suck...they always have. But f*ck em. I'm eating ice cream today because I deserve it. <br>Earth is hard as it is man...and again, I'm just happy I made it through hell and came out alive. </p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/64898442020-12-02T01:16:11-06:002020-12-02T01:16:11-06:00Naked Face. Sunshine. And Blinds. <p>I can say that finally, at 29, I am comfortable in my own skin. I don’t feel the need to do performative femininity as much. I don’t feel pressured to look “presentable” 24/7. And it’s such a liberating feeling man. My anxiety used to be so high and my self-esteem was so low, that I developed agoraphobia. I avoided public places as much as possible. I would cry if I had to go anywhere in public or where large groups of people were because I didn’t want anyone to see my face (years of bullying/abuse and a society where features like mine, hair like mine, skin tones like mine were seen as less than desirable convinced me that I was ugly, unworthy, undesirable). It was only a few years ago that I started to see beyond the illusion, that I began to see the beauty I had on the outside as well as the inside, as corny as it sounds. Now, most days (outside of events) I just wash and moisturize my face, brush my messy eyebrows, chapstick and go on my way. I still struggle with bouts of insecurity, and make self deprecating jokes about having ‘Ugly Duckling Syndrome’, but overall, I am happy and absolutely in love with myself in a way I’ve never felt before in my life. And it’s much deeper than what my face looks like. Now my hair...that’s a whole nother beast. I still feel the urge to cut it all off, but that’s cuz it’s so high maintenance and I at least 4 hours of prep time. Natural hair folks know my struggle. You know it’s real when you have to schedule an entire day around your hair. 😭🤣❤️</p>3:22Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/64738842020-11-09T21:31:08-06:002020-11-09T21:38:30-06:00Transmutation <p>Taking madness, disappointment, despair, and overthinking and creating some physical manifestation of beauty from it. Therefore healing myself through whatever creation I made in a moment pain. Full circle. This song spilled right outta me. Turn your pain into art, and you’ve found your healing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>11/09/2020</p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/64629782020-10-25T12:22:00-05:002021-04-11T21:13:48-05:00Started on the West Side<p>10/23/2020 </p>
<p>Started on the Westside </p>
<p>There is beauty in chaos. In pain. In death. The purpose of life I guess... </p>
<p>As someone who came from one of the poorest, most neglected parts of St. Louis city, I'm pretty damn proud of my journey so far. But I still have so much I want to do, and the journey has just begun. I want to be in a position to change my environment through what I do for a living. And everyday I'm shown how music is just that. But how do I bring notice to where I came from? My story? I guess I'll start by telling it more. </p>
<p>Wellston will be rebuilt one day, and I wanna make sure I have some part in it. </p>
<p>I grew up with dilapidated houses as my scenic view. Apartment complexes and corner stores were all I knew. Me and my cousins would trek and take the small journey the Delmar Loop, where it was a completely different world. Our usual trips were to corner stores to buy snacks. My favs were Zebra Cakes. Them shits were amazing to me. 😂 (They're nothing but sugar kids! Highly overrated) Luckily, my teeth survived my sugar cravings in childhood. Daytime was ours, full of adventures in the schoolyard of my elementary school (which was a predominantly black school shut down by the city). Playing basketball with the boys as a kid to watching the boys play basketball as a teenager. Nighttime was a different story. I grew up hearing gunshots and domestic disputes every night. It was "scary", but it was oddly the norm for me. As highly sensitive as I've always been, I started not to mind when I got older. I just knew to not be near windows and to try to stay low. I grew used to the adrenaline rushes. I remember wanting to call the police at 12, after hearing my neighbor beating his wife, but was always told to not get involved. To mind my own business. Plus, the cops weren't very reliable...except when they were pulling over random black boys walking home from school. </p>
<p>I look back now and 29 years later, Wellston is STILL the same. The Delmar Loop, the Wash U area have all grown and changed in various ways. New lofts and grocery stores. Gentrification on every other block. But when I go to my neighborhood, literally 5 minutes away from the Loop: areas like Hodiamont, Page, and Hamilton, my childhood hoods, are still devastated. People I grew up with are losing their lives to poverty and the aftermath of it. And I feel powerless sometimes and full of rage. And I avoid visiting my family. And I avoid driving by my old school. My childhood home. Because it’s a constant reminder of how shitty this society is to marginalized groups. I wonder why nothing has changed. Why is it still so much pain and lack? I want to come back again in 10 years and see change. Healing. Growth. Nourishment. Safety. Protection. I want to figure out how I can be a part of that. Because I want more for my fucking Grandma. My aunty. My cousins. My childhood friends. We were all fighting something way before Covid-19. </p>
<p>1:11pm</p>4:29Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/64332372020-09-14T11:35:36-05:002021-04-11T21:14:45-05:00Mitochondrial Eve<p>I think often about the irony of how the origin of humanity, aka mitochondrial Eve, was a black woman. (For those who don't know, the Mitochondrial Eve is the most recent woman from whom all living humans descend in an unbroken line purely through their mothers and through the mothers of those mothers, back until all lines converge on one woman.) </p>
<p>When you look at the state of the world and how Western society has molded itself into everything anti-black, you can see the self hatred everyone suffers from in everything. From our social constructs to our laws, all this arbitrary shit is impacting everyone because other human beings have willfully given up their humanity to live in illusions that separate us all. Yay. </p>
<p>Humanity literally came from black woman...was birthed from her womb and yet, she is "the most hated, unheard, disrespected and dehumanized". </p>
<p>I truly believe that forces that be (Universe, Mother Nature, Gaia) sees how humans have treated the original mother Earth and we are receiving it's wrath. We have strayed so far from what is natural, we collectively hate, disparage, dehumanize, abuse, mistreat and are destroying the direct descendants of the organism that gave us life. Humanity's origin is traced back to black women, yet it seems as if this entire world devalues us and wants us extinct. This creates a trickle down effect (social constructs such as race and class) which boomerangs and impacts every single living being on this earth (animals, insects, plants: see: climate change, endangered species). Everyone is trying to run away from and wipe out their own "mother" through hatred of black women. Just like all origins and things that come before us, we believe we are more evolved, seeing ourselves as better and superior. This world (especially Western society) will never see peace, glory, and abundance, until balance, justice and energy is restored. Until Mitochondrial Eve and her original offspring (black people) are treated with respect for their lives, all the rest of her offspring (all other homo sapiens) will suffer the consequences of their own ignorance, narcissism, and hate. The human race will never thrive until the original mother is healed and until self hate that manifests into white patriarchal, sexist, racist, classist, masochist (and all other beliefs that place one group in complete power at the disadvantage of others) bullshit ends. Because in reality, aren't we really just hating ourselves by hating the very being we came from?</p>5:13Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/64066892020-08-10T17:25:15-05:002020-09-29T21:36:30-05:00Lost and Found<p>I just wanna make beautiful dresses and gowns and walk around in them...even to the grocery store. 😂 May I be blessed with beginner’s luck cuz I have no patience. I’m an impulsive and obsessive creator. I have to make every creative inkling of an idea I have into a reality, they come so fast and often that I have to hurry and make tangible the sound or image before it disappears. 🤦🏾♀️ When I was little, I’d get flashes of gowns or a sudden melody in my head out of thin air...and I’d get upset because my hands weren’t fast enough to draw it. Music was easily accessible for me to figure out tho. I think that’s why I slowed up on designing and drawing in general. Music was always number one, but it took over. Which I’m no complaining. I’m just glad all my passions are coming back. ❤️</p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/63696192020-06-28T21:23:00-05:002020-11-09T21:26:18-06:00My Story, My Truth, My Healing<p>Having C-PTSD and Borderline just means that past events have impacted me so deeply, that growing up, my brain rigged itself to pick up on the slightest bit of abuse. I was also born highly sensitive, so I can easily feel other people's energies/feelings as well. Even things ppl may not directly speak on. This makes me isolate myself for emotional and mental stability. Because of experienced chronic trauma, my mistrust of humans is deeply ingrained, no matter how much therapy and pills I take. This is nothing personal, and if you are someone in my life, please consider this before making assumptions about me. Research C-PTSD and Borderline as well and be weary of misinformation. </p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/63667272020-06-25T21:55:31-05:002020-06-25T22:04:11-05:00The Bird 06/02/2020<p>I'm a big ass cry baby empath. </p>
<p>Today I biked to the park for a moment of isolation </p>
<p>While walking I stumbled upon a dead sparrow </p>
<p>Instantly, I felt grief...I've been more sensitive than usual lately...something about it's eyes. </p>
<p>I scooted it off the sidewalk, out of view </p>
<p>In the shade of the flowers </p>
<p>The sun is harsh today </p>
<p>I shooed the flies away and started mourning it </p>
<p>It's eyes closed, I knew it had flown so many times before </p>
<p>Many others would have saw it, awed, and kept walking </p>
<p>Going on about their day </p>
<p>But for some weird reason, I came back to it </p>
<p>All lives have always mattered to me </p>
<p>I used to save worms from ants when I was a kid, I didn't understand the laws of nature </p>
<p>Yes, all lives matter. All human lives matter. </p>
<p>But in this country, for 400+ years, black people have been this fucking bird... </p>
<p>And the fact that we have to write these metaphorical ass rhetorics speaks volumes of the travesty racism has created in this world. In this country. In this state. In this city. </p>
<p>Black Lives Matter. </p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/62553752020-03-19T17:23:21-05:002020-03-19T17:23:21-05:00My Story, My Truth (Living with BPD)<p>This is my story as well...</p>
<p>Having BPD is like having a real bad cough in your fucking throat and holding it in to make everyone else comfortable, but alas, it's just too much...and the longer you hold it in, the more you suffer immensely...but once you release it, you've already caused a stir in everyone. No one will look at you the same.</p>
<p>It has been 4 months since, but I’m still in denial of my diagnosis honestly...so by sharing my truth, I hope that this will help people in my life understand me, or help others who are suffering in silence. The way I look at it, Borderline Personality and PTSD may have impacted my entire life so far, but I’m too dope to let them impact the rest of it. Keep going KP.</p>
<p> </p>3:19Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/60552132020-01-01T14:20:00-06:002020-01-01T14:22:41-06:00This year the Universe really showed me how much my purpose is written in music: <p>1. Met Chick Corea at the Jazz St. Louis and got the best advice ever. "Play like YOU." </p>
<p>2. Won championship at an all women's beat battle. #FemFest #FreshProduce </p>
<p>3. 5 days later went to ATL to perform at the Black Lives Matter Conference and met Stacey Abrams (in the bathroom of all places. Lol). </p>
<p>4. A week later, went to Miami and performed in front of thousands of people opening for The Internet at III Points Met Syd who was meh. Then had an entire 10min convo with Herbie Hancock and his band. Then met Terrace Martin and got industry gems. Met SZA too! </p>
<p>5. I had the flu at its worst stage during all of this. #FemFestFlu </p>
<p>6. Few weeks later got a residency w/ one of the greatest arts foundations at The Dark Room. #DarkRoom Kranzberg Arts Foundation </p>
<p>7. Bought an upright European brand piano for $75 at the thrift store. #Savers lol </p>
<p>8. Saw my little sister go to High School. #CentralVPA </p>
<p>9. Wrote, curated, and released my first music video. #PhoenixRising </p>
<p>10. Released my first single and performed at the Pulitzer Arts Foundation the same day. </p>
<p>11. Visited Aretha Franklin's birth home. </p>
<p>12. Opened up for Michael McDonald at Blanche M. Touhill Performing Arts Center. #kranzberg </p>
<p>13. Released my debut album, independently. #CocoaVoyage </p>
<p>14. Had debut album and my story covered in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis Magazine, St. Louis American, and the Riverfront Times. </p>
<p>15. Was interviewed by several local television, podcasts, and live platforms. #StaciStatic #FruitoftheBoom #RockPaperpodcast #STLTV #TheDailyMix</p>
<p>16. Had physical copies of my debut album made and sold in Vintage Vinyl, a pillar of St. Louis music. </p>
<p>17. Featured on Bandcamp's Best Soul of 2019 24 hrs after releasing my album. </p>
<p>18. Found out my album was one of Riverfront Times 9 Best Albums of 2019 days before the New Year. </p>
<p>19. My artist page Katarra went from 763 supporters to 1,168 within a month of my album release. </p>
<p>In the midst of all these great feats this year, I was broke, suicidal at times, went through toxic relationships, had my heart broken twice, broke someone else's heart, had mental breakdowns, was diagnosed with 2 mental disorders, lost friends, loved ones, saw loss, grief and pain. Went to therapy, currently in therapy and receiving treatment. I've also experienced absolute joy, peace and have witnessed how miracles really do happen when you truly believe in yourself. Music is for me. </p>
<p>And I've learned this year that losses and gains are one in the same. Both heavy, and both impacting my life, guiding me towards my purpose even more. This has definitely been a crazy, crazy year. But this year changed my life. And I am forever grateful.</p>3:19Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/60279962019-12-17T20:46:17-06:002019-12-17T20:46:17-06:00Keep Going...<p>In the weeks leading up to the release of Cocoa Voyàge, I had my heart shattered, was betrayed and abandoned by people I thought cared, had my name dragged through the mud, suicidal, in debt...I went to therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD and BPD and almost canceled everything. But I KEPT GOING because my purpose is written. I see the way my music effects people, so I refused to let outside hostile forces destroy my spirit. Thank you to everyone who showed up, who packed out the @thedarkroomstl , who came in droves to buy CD's, who listened when I thought no one would listen. Y'all literally healed me. Music is literally everything to me and y'all got me through one of the hardest years of my life. As Kong would say, the great white whale has been gotten. ♥️ ? : @rogueshots</p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/59339482019-10-21T14:00:46-05:002019-10-21T14:00:46-05:00The Value of the Artist<p>Opinion. Things I notice A LOT of my musician and artist peers need, but are not getting: </p>
<p>-Living wages </p>
<p>-Affordable housing </p>
<p>-Non-Gentrified creative spaces </p>
<p>-Therapy/Mental Health Help </p>
<p>-Insurance </p>
<p>-Supportive, uplifting environment </p>
<p>-Event planners that are fair, professional and organized </p>
<p>-Trustworthy and genuine organizations to partner with </p>
<p>-Exposure on different platforms (not just the same 5 festival bands) </p>
<p>-Knowledge of music business, law, marketing </p>
<p>-Not being told that being an artist is unrealistic because no one can make a living off of being an artist, but seeing many organizations make bank off of art... </p>
<p>-Having art that is not rooted in euro-centric standards taken seriously </p>
<p>-All of these things with no Catch-22's, elitist cliques, or gatekeepers involved. </p>
<p>Performed in and watched the Creative Place-making event yesterday, and saw that St. Louis is trying to do better for it's artists, I just wish the action was more swift and immediate.... </p>
<p>I'm just saying help us and show us you value us and our art by investing in our well being. I'm tired of hearing and seeing stories of self-medication, suicide, over doses, and toxic habits. No more 27 clubs, no more dying young and/or broke as an artist being the norm. We need help. There are too many Billie Holidays, Van Gogh's, Basquiats and Hendrix's out here who just need treatment and affordable living. We don't want to be appreciated after we're gone.</p>3:19Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/56752332019-05-26T01:25:00-05:002020-11-09T21:26:03-06:00Cocoa n' Cumming- an Intimate experience<p>05/26/18</p>
<p>Had one of the most memorable sets of my life at Cocoa and Cumming. Told, song, and played my life to a room of strangers, made people laugh, cry...feel. A St. Louis legend (Blvckspvde) asked for my autograph on his 'Katarra' poster (still hype from that) to hang in his studio. And I got to know a lot of other dope individuals. Changed my perspective of other humans as an introvert. <3</p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/56870982019-03-20T14:50:31-05:002021-04-21T11:32:54-05:00My First Song Review, Children of the Sun<p>It feels like I received an early birthday gift with the publishing of my first song review by the St. Louis Music Report! Children of the Sun is set to be an album strictly for the movement and betterment of all oppressed peoples of color! Let the revolution began. <3 </p>
<p>"Children of the Sun is the new project from the highly prolific St Louis based Farfetched label. It is the result of a collaboration with Center for Third World Organizing and Smoke Signal Studios to form the cultural initiative Subvert Lab, enlisting the forces of Katarra Parson, Prophet, Poet X, Nephii Love, and Farfetched founder and producer Damon Davis to assemble the project’s lineup. Their first single is presented in the old school format of having the same name for the artist, track and album, implying an intention to present a mission statement. “Children of the Sun” is short in length but jam packed with content. The production is astounding, with a short sample opening way to a heavily stacked line of percussion, understated keyboard pads and a solo guitar. All of these elements blend together confidently to bed Katarra Parson’s beautifully harmonized vocal hook clad in themes of empowerment, heritage and pride for people of color. The single takes a drastic turn into a filtered beat to accompany a spoken word poem by Nephii Love that is both fierce and spiritual in its message of self-love, community and retaliation to the systems of the world. A return to vocal melodies brings the song out into an instrumental outro that is as rhythmically infectious as it is dramatic and poignant– a time to internalize what has been witnessed. The relentless nature, stimulating production and stellar performance of this single has me beyond excited to see what this upcoming Children of the Sun release will sound like, and if you haven’t listened it I hope you do so as soon as you can."</p>
<p>-Julio Prato, Editor of the St. Louis Music Report</p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/56752212019-03-13T00:30:00-05:002019-03-13T00:30:16-05:00Live Recordings? Check!<p>I was still super sick (the entire month of February with the flu), as I arrived to my long awaited live session at Webster University. My voice was gone, I still had jet lag from Atlanta, and that SAME night I had to pack and get ready for a 6am flight to Miami. But I had to get these songs recorded. I finally had access to a live studio and had 3 hours to create my visions, for free! I was not letting this opportunity go no matter how tired I was.</p>
<p>I remember drinking lots and lots of tea and water that day. I remember singing and playing my ass off. I remember hacking and coughing through every take. Lol. I remember the audio engineer students and teacher being shocked at me for criticizing my "sick" voice. To them it was amazing. To me, it was sick Katarra. But thus, the life of a perfectionist.</p>
<p>We hash out more takes and by the 5th one I am exhausted. Elijah then starts playing this funky groove on the bass. To which Chanel adds a very crisp pocket to. To which I add my 7th chords. Just then the teacher asks us if we have anything else to record. I say yes, and we go into the groove again, Kong scatting along the bass line. I remember my favorite rap verse and realize it needs a home. And there you have the 'Boom Boom' freestyle. I’m glad I built the courage to release this song to the world…be it a quick impromptu freestyle. Lol.</p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/56752112019-03-09T23:58:54-06:002019-03-09T23:58:54-06:00The Sky is the Limit?<p><span class="font_regular">Went outside today and got some healing. The sky caught me as I remembered a dream I had years ago where I was floating towards the sky...and was deathly afraid. I grabbed everything I possibly could...car doors, lamp posts...anything to keep me from floating higher. I was afraid to let go and go beyond what this world restricted me to. This coincided with the reality that my anxiety wouldn't let me pursue music. Years later, I am no longer afraid of my power...my wings. I'm taking flight and not looking back. I say all of this to say don't let your fears, insecurities and anxiety limit what you can achieve by simply letting yourself rise. The sky is not even the limit for me at this point...</span></p>Katarra Parsontag:katarramusic.com,2005:Post/56664742019-03-02T12:38:46-06:002020-01-25T07:15:39-06:00Respect the process<p>When you had to win a Beat Battle to afford studio access. lol. Which led to 4 hours of studio time last night, which led to the 99.9% completion of this album...in 4 hours! The resources were all I needed, and I got them on my own. The wins I get in life are of my own on doing. My work, sweat, and literal tears, all while being undermined and disrespected on top of that. I say all of this to say...this album goooooood. Spring 2019. Lemme talk my sh*t!</p>Katarra Parson